Analog Accessibility Analogues

I am just so unnecessarily pleased with that title.

These are all based on requests around software/web remediation. Requests I have received, seen, and/or addressed. I am transposing them to meat-space to provide a different perspective. Maybe that is useful, maybe not. At the very least I hope it is somewhat darkly humorous.

If you have wittier ones, please comment. If you think they have some value, please steal. If you think these are dumb, please just pretend nothing happened here.

Before you get into the meat of the post, the sign in the photo says “For Wheelchair access please ask inside for help.” It kinda fits the theme. Photo by Darren Foreman, cropped and color adjusted from the original on Flickr using a CC BY 2.0 license.

Paraphrased: “I know you said to build a ramp, but can we just ask customers to bring their own trebuchet? Will that be accessible?”

Paraphrased: “You said we need better lighting. Maybe if we allow smoking all those cigarettes will satisfy this accessibility item, right?”

Paraphrased: “The bathroom is totally accessible. Hardly anyone ever gets stuck in there anymore, but if they do we usually hear shouting.”

Paraphrased: “But that national chain doesn’t have ramps. Can’t we just wait until they get sued before we install ramps here?”

Paraphrased: “Yep, we’re accessible. If you can’t get up the stairs just call in your order between 11am & 3pm. Our delivery fees are low.”

Paraphrased: “We absolutely support accessibility. Just as soon as we get enough customers calling and asking for it. On Thursdays.”